INTRODUCTION
This message is not entirely my own. Much of its inspiration comes from the devotional Experiencing the Father’s Love by Jack Frost. Yet I must confess, I have woven into it my own reflections, experiences, and encounters with the unfathomable love of our Father.
This article specifically comes from a series of articles I wrote years ago titled Coram Deo (Living in the Presence of God). I recently came across these teachings in my archives. You will see more of these under my “Teaching” tab on my website, www.perryzone.com. If you sign up for these blogs/teachings under the “Login” tab, you will receive more of my blogs and teachings in your email as soon as they are posted.
Many pastors have spoken on the call to “draw closer to Him,” and as I have sought to do so, the Father has unveiled much about myself, about this world, and most profoundly, about His immeasurable love.
This love is not casual, nor is it something our finite minds can fully comprehend. It is vast, all-consuming, and eternal. But while it surpasses understanding, it can be experienced. And when you truly allow His love to reach you, it transforms everything. It reshapes how you see others, how you see yourself, and how you behold your Father in heaven.
DEFINITIONS
There are specific words for this study that I feel are often misrepresented. For this reason, I need you to understand my definitions, which fit this study.
Self-Pity
Self-pity includes: feeling sorry for yourself, selfishness, self-loathing, self-absorption, victim mentality, and self-blame. It is the opposite of cheerfulness, strength of mind, moral courage (having a backbone), strength of character, and true grit.
Repentance
Google – The act of repenting or the state of being penitent; sorrow for what one has done or omitted to do; especially, contrition for sin.
Lee – In confessing your sins, you must totally turn away from them and profess never to do them again. If you do them again, you know you have not repented and must confess again. This is a struggle with many sins and is a part of the renewing of your mind.
Restitution
To restore to a former condition what is properly due.
Judging
Judging is not the process of condemning or finding fault with others but the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions.
Side Note on Fairness
This has always been a pet peeve of mine.
- Fairness is always a compromise. It often ignores God’s command of “Let your yes be yes and your no be no”.
- Fairness is often the enemy of Justice.
- Fairness often looks at both sides of a situation and tries to find a natural virtue in both, but gives justice to neither.
- One is objective and the other is subjective.
- Justice is absolute; Fairness is not.
- Recently, I read: “Justice deals with universal principles that apply equally to all societies and which do not change with time; Fairness deals with popular sentiment and is subject to change between societies and times. One is subject to reasoned correction; the other is subject to emotional manipulation. One is a foundational principle of liberty; the other is an enemy of liberty.”
- The book of Matthew gives us an excellent example of what Jesus thinks of fairness.
“For the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. Matthew 20:1-2 ESV
He hired some at 9 o’clock
He hired some at 5 o’clock
That evening, He paid them all the same wage.
That wasn’t fair, and they grumbled.
- Jesus explains. “Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?’ Matthew 20:13-15 ESV
As we go through this lesson, you will undoubtedly feel uneasy as you recognize yourself. I did.
Remember that God is a just God, not a fair God. He does not change His law to fit the circumstance or the person. He expects His law and His word to be followed exactly. It is the same for all. It is the same for us as it was for Jesus. It is absolute.
TEACHING
Self-Pity
When others offend us, we may choose to quietly forgive, yet still harbor resentment in our hearts. But this is not the way of the cross. Likewise, when we ourselves offend, it is not enough simply to be forgiven; we often feel the sting of lost trust, the weight of damaged confidence. At times, this same burden turns inward—we condemn ourselves for failing, for doing wrong, or for simply falling short of what we know we could have been. Yet this self-pity rarely births true transformation, nor does it restore what was broken. Instead, self-pity leads to this:
- It diminishes, in our eyes, the gravity of each sin we commit against love and honor toward others. Why? – Because we rationalize our behavior.
- It hinders Godly repentance when we feel that life has not been fair to us and believe that others are the cause of our frustrations. This, we do to look to God but people to meet our needs.
- It places the primary fault upon others for relational conflicts because we feel that we have been treated unfairly. If they had not done that to me…or if only they had done this from me, then life would be better and I would not be forced to act in such a way.
- It excuses our negative attitudes by seeing the weaknesses in others and feeling that our rightness justifies our judgmental actions.
- It attempts to persuade others to feel sorry for us and to acknowledge that we have been treated unfairly (defilement) thus strengthening strongholds of self-pity within.
- It may try to compensate for our relational failures with increased hyper-religious activity, aggressively striving to earn self-worth or acceptance, or we may take on a false sense of responsibility and place all the blame upon ourselves for relational conflicts, thus denying others the opportunity to deal with their own issues.
- It often leads to others feeling manipulated or demeaned by closing our hearts to those who will not come into agreement with our self-pity, thus leaving others feeling that they have little value or honor in our presence.
- It may result in hidden anger at our feelings of loss or unmet expectations. This increases our blame toward others and results in a deeper feeling of anger, insecurity, shame, isolation, apathy, self-condemnation, addictive compulsive behavior, and/or depression.
- It leaves us dissatisfied at work, church, and at home, and we want to escape to a place where we can find rest.
“…yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance. For you became sorrowful as God intended, and so were not harmed in any way by us. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point, you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.” 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 NIV
Pray
Father, I take this self-pity to Your cross and ask Jesus to remind me of who I am and who I belong to. Crash into those self-absorbed parties that I tend to give myself. Transform my behavior to reflect Your grace.
Again and again, Lord, I’m whining to myself about this or that or him or her or about what I’ve done or think of myself. I’m sorry, please forgive my self-pity moments. Help me move on. I thank you that you gave me a happy heart for forgiving me for trying to make myself sad by focusing on my situational circumstances.
REPENTANCE
Now, let us understand, Godly repentance involves action. It is not just an emotion and tears. Remember my definition above. Godly repentance:
- Repentance is so grieved at the wounding and stress our actions and attitudes have brought to others that we are now willing to humble ourselves and do whatever it takes to restore healthy relationships.
- Repentance hates the destructive habit patterns that have misrepresented God’s love and grace to others
- Repentance becomes more concerned with others’ needs than our own pride and wall of self-protection.
- Repentance is the willingness to lay down the need to be right to see healing in those whom we have hurt or offended. (or offended us)
- Repentance chooses to walk in oneness and transparency, and willingly comes forward and acknowledges our sin against love and how we have hurt or offended others.
- Repentance does not seek to make excuses, seek to put the blame on others, or diminish the depth of our self-deception or fear of intimacy with which we have struggled.
- Repentance takes the focus off ourselves (self-pity) and begins to focus ur energy upon humility, confession, forgiveness, repentance, and healing the pain that we have caused others.
“This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength….” Isaiah 30:15
Side Note on Trust
Note that the scripture above says that there is “…quietness and trust is your strength…” This trust is not trust in the world or mankind, it is trust in our Father, Jesus Christ, and Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV
You can only put your trust in people as they follow the Lord and put their trust in Him. In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul says, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ”. 1 Corinthians 11:1ESV
However, Jesus never said “Trust one another”, in John 13:34, and in other scriptures He said “Love one another.”
In this fallen world, your spouse, family, neighbor, friend, or Pastor may fail you. Jesus said Love them and even love your enemy. A spouse of an adulterous relationship will often say: “I do not trust them anymore.” And rightly so. But you are to love them. It is with that kind of love that relationships are healed.
Pray
Lord, I pray that godly repentance will become an active part of my life. I pray that you teach me to focus my energy on You and then others, before me. Teach me also to keep short accounts with You and not to rationalize my sins but to confess and repent immediately upon discovery.
PRACTICING THE MINISTRY OF RESTITUTION
To practice the ministry of Restitution, we must:
1. Ask God to reveal to us each way we have brought hurt or offense to another person. What is the basic offense? How did you demean, devalue, dishonor or hurt that person?
“Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting! Psalms 139:23-24 ESV
2. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and repentance to each issue.
“Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? Romans 2:4 ESV
3. Ask mature spiritual leaders who know you personally to speak admonition into your blind spots. Review with them the offenses that you have noted.
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” James 5:16 ESV
4. permit them to speak the truth in love to you, about what they have seen in you that could be perceived as offensive or defiling.
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:15 ESV
5. Ask for input as to how you can approach the offended person and bring restoration to the relationship.
“And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.” James 5:15 ESV
Pray:
Heavenly Father, in obedience to You and Your Word, I will practice the ministry of restitution daily. I ask You for input when I have hurt another, I permit You to speak the truth to me through Your spirit, but also to Your children. Thank You for looking on our hearts and never throwing us away.
ASK FOR FORGIVENESS
1. Be thankful for the opportunity for growth. God is using this situation to help expose hidden, destructive habit patterns and to bring them to death.
2. Call the offended party. No letter, to texting, talk one-on-one. Approach them with humility and respect. Make it personal. Schedule a meeting if you can.
- Never say to them “I forgive you”, unless it’s called for. That’s insulting. They may not know they offended you. – Explain what happened to the best of your recollection. Remember, you may not have the full story. – Show them how you misrepresented God and offended them and God.
- Do not expect them to forgive you.
- Do not mention their faults. Just take ownership of your own.
- Do not diminish your offense by blame-shifting or justifying your behavior, or making any kind of excuse for your behavior. As soon as you try to justify yourself, you have lost the battle.
- Ask if there is anything else that you have offended them or others. Ask for forgiveness for each.
“If you, God, kept records on wrongdoings, who would stand a chance? As it turns out, forgiveness is your habit, and that’s why you’re worshiped.” Proverb 19:11 MSG
“Smart people know how to hold their tongue; their grandeur is to forgive and forget.”Psalm 130:3-4 MSG
Pray:
Lord, it’s hard for me to admit my faults and mistakes. But with Your support, the comfort of the Holy Spirit, and the love of Christ, I will take responsibility and make amends each time. Lord, it is true that over the years my immaturity, attitude, actions, and neglect have caused hurt or offense to family members, co-workers, and even friends and neighbors. I ask for forgiveness and wisdom to set things right with others.
JUDGING OURSELVES
If necessary, ask a spiritually mature person to whom you are accountable to meet with you weekly or monthly.
Be sure this individual is mature and does not automatically come into an agreement with the issues you are having with others, but will help you to judge yourself in each matter. For this situation, it is best not to ask a deer friend or relative who may sympathize with you. Discuss any other blind spots you may have, and have the person pray with you over issues. Ask the person how you can grow and mature relationally.
Never force an issue. The above is based on the offended party’s willingness to reconcile.
“But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged. But when we are judged by the Lord, we are disciplined so that we may not be condemned along with the world. 1 Corinthians 11:31-32 ESV
Pray to Encounter your Father
Father God, bring into my life a spiritually mature person who can reveal Your righteous judgment to me.
ALIVE AGAIN
We must stop Orphan thinking. You are not an orphan but an Heir to the Kingdom. (See teaching From Orphan to Heir – (Coming Soon).
As heirs, we must sow into our inheritance by getting underneath and blessing others and earnestly seeking to be faithful with that which was another. Never try to live another life, you can only live your own.
- If another is blessed, rejoice with them.
- If another has fallen, help them up.
- If another is saddened, weep with them.
Jesus says this of the prodigal son who stayed home:
“My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” Luke 15:31-32 NIV
Pray
My Lord, my God, my Father, show me, teach me, of your love. As you show me and teach me, I want to be able to project this love to others, for this is your will. I want to be able to show others that I love them: my family, my friends, my neighbors. And yes, my enemies that revile me, that I don’t want to talk to, that I have cursed and said bad things about in the past. For these things, forgive me. I repent. Show me how to bless them, and if it be, you will give me grace and strength and make it possible for me to ask their forgiveness. I surrender all, Father. I want to be alive again.
CONCLUSON
We know of Jesus, and we are thankful for our Salvation. We know of Holy Spirit, and we enter into praise for all that we have. Now it is time for us to encounter the Father. Let us draw near to Him and Worship.
ENOUGH SAID
“Your words were found, and I ate them, and your words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart, for I am called by your name, O Lord, God of hosts.” Jeremiah 15:16 ESV
